Disorder and Anarchy

Airport security is a joke.

2005-01-11T19:39:00.000+13:00

In the wake of 9/11, airports around the world stepped up security measures by confiscating anything that might be used by a potential terrorist. Also known as a weapon for those of you who cant quite grasp that concept.

Some of these new "weapons" include:

Toe nail clippers.
Razors (the type you shave your face with)
Fountain Pens
Kiddie Safe Scissors (the type that is impossible for you to cut yourself with, hence the name: Kiddie Safe)
And one Toblerone chocolate bar.

A goddamn chocolate bar, apparently it could have been used to "club" a pilot or security guard into submission.

I can see it now:

"FREEZE Airport Security infidels! You shall bow down before the awesome power of my novelty chocolate bar!" - Toblerone Terrorist

Now, I'm not saying that these new measures are without reason, becuase then I would just be lying. But the message I am trying to say is that instead of wasting the valuable time of people like me by taking away my goddamn chocolate bar, the airport secruity could instead be training to become real policemen. Where instead of frisking down someon who has a grey beard and a complexion other than caucasion, they could be out solving rapes and murders.

But then that would be too damn logical for the government. The powers that be have to keep us, the common peasent, guessing. It keeps us on our toes ya'know, so we dont have these ideas of revolution or change.

I'm sick and tired of high school dropouts having the power to take away my candy. Its my candy goddamnit! MINE!

-James

James beats NCEA.

2005-01-11T15:16:00.000+13:00

Holy shit; I passed NCEA. Me, of all people.

In case you dont know what NCEA is, I shall give you a brief run down:

Ncea is quite possibly the most fucked up qualification a studen can endure. The main reason for this is the bullshit marking scheme, where instead of passing based on how many you get right, you pass on which questions you get right. As you can see, this causes some problems as you must get the correct answer on some questions in order to pass the exam.
Fuck up one question but get every other one right? Was that question the only one of its kind? Well your royally fucked then arnt you. Thats pretty much how it works, the markers choose which questions need to be answered in order to get a passing mark, and then let you sit the test/exam without giving you a clue as to what questions you need to get right.

Thats a very simplistic way of looking at it, but hell, its the holidays and I'm allowed to be simplistic.

Anyways.

Last year I managed to pass by the skin on me arse, this year I fucked around and slacked off even more than last year. So I had it on very good authority that I was going to fail. But lo and behold; the system, no matter how fucked it is, passes me. I've been thinking about it and I've come to the conclusion that no matter what you do during the year, the chances of failing the most bullshit set of exams in existance is next to impossible.

So heres a lesson to all of you who actually tried to pass Ncea: Dont. Slack off all year like I did and reap the benefits, and if you are unlucky enough to actually fail. Well, you can come and talk to me about it as Im climbing up your mum.

-James

Why vote when you can bitch.

2004-12-21T14:54:00.000+13:00

Goddamn whining bitches. I'm sick and tired of people bitchin' about things just because they are inconvenienced by something.
Take for example the Speedway in Western Springs. Local residents have complained that they cant sleep because the sound coming from the speedway once a week is disturbing them.

My verdict?
Tough shit.

You knew there was a speedway there when you bought your shithole house, its not the speedways fault for being loud, its your fault for being a dumbass. Why the fuck cant this bitch with saggy tits not move? I'm sure theres hundereds of people who would give their left nut to live that close to the speedway.

But of course, this would be too easy and effective. The council had to side with the old bitch and impose serious noise restrictions apon the speedway, effectivly shutting it down, causing 10,000 people to protest. Now I ask you, who matters more: 10,000 car lovers or a few bitter residents?

The council obviously loves saggy tits, so it sided with the residents. Which brings me to the main message of this:

The country is being run by old ladies with nothing better to do than complain. When the complaint of one sex starved woman overrules 10,000 car enthusiasts something is seriously fucked with the system.

Thats why, the next time you see someone protesting a cause which will piss off a majority of people, I command you to reason with them politely. And once you have done that; smack them upside the head for good measure.

Note: I am not a car enthusiast, nor do I have anything to do with the Speedway. I was using that as an example, and if you didnt figure that out: you need to be punched.

-James

Are drugs really that bad?

2004-12-20T13:59:00.000+13:00

I'm having a drugs and alcohol orientated weekend, so just bare with me here.

When we think of drug use, we see seedy hotels and drug dealers with shifty eyes. But in reality drug dealers are ordinary people trying to make a living selling stuff, that in most cases, is harmless. Now, I can tell some liberals are about to shit themselves with this one, but its the truth. In moderation, nearly all drugs are safe-ish. Granted, stuff like cocaine, P and heroine probably arnt going to be good for you. But moderated use of substances such as marijuana dont lead to violance or crime.
In fact, marijuana use is known to calm people down, rather than promote reckless and erratic behaviour.
So why is it that marijuana is illegal? Because of old people with saggy tits and limp dicks thats what. But thats not the point here, the point is that using some drugs in moderation is not bad for you. And the stigma surrounding these drugs is overrated.

So the next time you see someone preaching the hate about certain druge, give them a good smack upside the head.

-James

Alcoholism is a good thing.

2004-12-20T11:46:00.000+13:00

Alcoholism is defined as:

A disorder characterized by the excessive consumption of and dependence on alcoholic beverages, leading to physical and psychological harm and impaired social and vocational functioning.

Many people would have you think that being an alcoholic is a bad thing, that you will become sick and eventually die. Well that is true, but what they dont tell you is that alcohol contains the happy juice, which evidently makes you happy.

These "doctors" dont want you to be happy, they want you to become depressed and return to them so they can suck your hard earned cash from your wallet. Well enough is enough I say.

We need to start drinking to the excess, when we are eventually wheeled into the emergancy room, and the doctor gives us the "I told you so" look, we can give him the finger and claim insurance, because thats what we do best.

There is no logical flaw in my plan, we get to be drunk and happy and the doctor gets his dirty insurance money. In the extreme circumstance that any of us gets sick, well...theres more than enough people to take his/her place.

So from now on I expect every single one of you to preach the fact that being an alcoholic is a good thing, rather than the "sickness" those doctors lead you to believe.

I need therapy...

-James

It's the Christmas special fucknuts!

2004-12-17T19:50:00.000+13:00

In keeping with the festive season, I'm writing this for you unappreciating mental defects.

Yes I'm in a bad mood, because santa killed christmas. Thats right, the jolly fat guy in the red suit drove a mint flavoured candy stick right through the heart of christmas spirit. Why? Because hes a narcissistic fucktard.

That dirty old man entices little children to sit on his lap, and then proceeds to fill their minds with lies about how hes going to "get the poney they always wanted" or "make daddy come back". You aint going to get your poney you little shit, and daddys probably happier without you begging him for money all the time.

But more to the point, Santa should be given a good swift kick in the bollocks for being a fuckwit. I mean, its one thing to be fat and stupid, but to lie to little kids and ruin their Christmas? Thats going too far. Ruining Christmas is for the parents of the children, and maybe the grinch, not some fat ass with a fake beard.

Merry Christmas.

-James

Why we need a revolution.

2004-12-13T16:12:00.000+13:00

My first argument is:
Why the fuck not?

Also, we need to get rid of a whole bunch of people. Heres a nice list for you:

Chavs - Fuck them, I hate everything to do with them. (Note: a chav is some guy who dresses in fake "bling" and hangs outside McDonalds because hes got nothing better to do since he dropped out of school at 14 and cant get a job. These people are usually stupid and are all bark but no bite. Should be punched on sight.)
Skanks - Now, not all skanks are bad. But most of them are and we cant take the chance that we might hook up with a bad skank.
Religious fanatics - Not being a bigot or anything, but we don't need people preaching on the corner of the street that their religion/god/entity is better than everyone else's. I can make my own mind up thankyou very much.
Vegetarians - We have canines for a reason you retards. Oh and fuck the animals, we are the apex predators. What would you think of a lion that only ate grass? You'd call it a call you fucken hippies, that's what.
Jocks - I hate jocks. Jocks can play sport all they want and I don't care, but when they try and talk to me about how the molested some guy to get the ball I start feeling sick. Oh and surfings not a sport, its a lifestyle. So shut the fuck up about all that hypocrite shit. In tangent with the whole "defend myself" thing, I'm not some nerd, I do play sports and I do fuck chicks. That should about cover it for jock intellect.
Fat People - In my revolution fat people will be given a choice: Liposuction or death.
Skaters - Goddamned skaters, they think they're so tough; but when you actually try and confront them they run away like sissys. We cant have sissys in the post-revolution world.
Rappers - Rap is not music, its wannabe gangsters talking shit because some 13 year old can read better than them. Rappers will also have a choice: Get an education and never rap again or death.

My revolution will also contain a whole bunch of alcohol. Because no revolution is complete without alcohol. After every government in the world has been over-thrown, corporations such as Starbucks and McDonalds shall be liquidated and the assets sold off. All money from these assets will be given to poverty stricken people, not their government, the actual people. The benefit is two fold.
1) We don't have any more McDonalds or Starbucks to make people fat
2) Poor people wont be poor any more.

I'm sure theres some more things that should happen after my revolution, but I cant be bothered thinking of them. So yea, start planning a revolution in your neighborhood, and when the time is right; attack and destroy the facists of society.

Or just get drunk, it all amounts to the same thing.

-James

Bush is a blackmailing fucknut

2004-12-10T17:30:00.000+13:00

I have recently learned that the U.S government has threatened to withdraw millions of dollars of aid from countries that don't support their efforts to grant troops in Iraq immunity from war crimes involving Iraqi P.O.W's.

What the fuck?!

Bush is blackmailing the rest of the world so he and his administration can save face from the completely justified accusations of war crimes by some soldiers in Iraq. We all know about the whole Iraqi P.O.W abuse scandal so I shouldn't need to clarify it.The point is: Bush is using the aid money, which is apparently given out in the name of charity, to allow his toops to abuse and dehuminise Iraqi P.O.W's.

Now I don't mind the fact that American troops capture P.O.W's, I do mind however that they can abuse these people and then get away with it. That pisses me the fuck off.

I think that Iraq should claim more aid money from America due to the abuse of their soldiers.
Goddamn Americans, I hope that someone stands up and calls Bush out on this, because he needs some public verbal abuse to sort him the fuck out. I doubt the U.N would do anything because their a bunch of pussys, we need someone like me to bitch slap some sense into Bush. If only I wasn't so lazy.

-James

I'm fat and lazy...

2004-12-03T10:31:00.000+13:00

Well, I'm still not fat; yet.

But I am lazy, I only realized this today as well. Yes it took me a while, but so do many things, like getting up in the morning or bothering to wear pants.

But I suppose that being lazy has its upsides, no one asks me to do anything anymore. I think I finally got through to my family and friends that if you ask me to do something, chances are I'll just throw something at you.

On a completely unrelated note, the mayor of Southland (I think) apparently feels that my questions are somehow inappropriate for an interview and has declined my offer. I think that "Have you ever had sex with your intern?" is a very appropriate question. But hey, who am I to judge?

Stay tuned, hopefully I should have some sort of interview up for your reading pleasure. And if not, well...don't bitch to me about it.

-James

Why Blogspot.com can shove it.

2004-11-30T15:26:00.000+13:00

Earlier today I was writing a piece about how education means precisely dick. I had just finished and then went to publish the piece which had a good hour invested in it, when suddenly WHAM, blogspot.com goes down like a sack of flaming shit.

After cussing for a while at my computer screen, I promptly turned off my computer and started drinking. I am now starting to sober up, which is why I can write to a semi-literate standard, and can tell you that if you wanted to read an article about the current social implications of our education system, send naughty emails to blogspot. Because they are why you are reading the rantings of a semi-drunk student instead.

-James

Are you a consumer whore?

2004-11-29T13:45:00.000+13:00

The trend of this generation is: consumption, plain and simple.

No longer are we satisfied being ourselves, now we must be better than that. We must wear T-Shirts that cost more than a copy of Shakespeare because 1% of said T-Shirt has a little label that signifies us as "cool".

We go and drink over-priced coffee from a corporation responsible for the mass murder of millions of animals and buy reconstituted hamburgers from a company that promotes obesity.

Now I'm not some tree hugging hippy that wants you to stop eating anything that you didn't grow yourself, all I want is for people to be aware of the fact that they are becoming a consumer whore.

Why buy a burger from McDonalds when you can make a sandwich yourself? Sure it's convenient, but I doubt you'll be saying that when your in hospital being rectally examined before your open heart surgery to take care of that pesky artery clog.

Many of you may say: "But James, you eat McDonalds too!". Too right I do, but at least I'm not blind to their money making schemes and feeble attempts to make them appear a healthy alternative.
I mean, you can promote your healthy salads all you want, that doesn't mean that people are buying them. All those salads are is a mask, McDonalds aren't health conscious, far from it actually. They still sell their Big Mac's dripping in fat and grease, and their milk shakes with pig fat in them.
The real reason they stuck those shitty salads (which apparently contain as much sugar as a medium coke) in the menu is because they don't want to be sued. They can now say that they promote healthy eating, thus avoiding lawsuits from fat shits who claim that they were forced to eat fatty McDonalds because there were no other healthy alternatives on the menu.

Another company that has caught my eye is Starbucks, who make millions by selling the same shit coffee that can be found in your regular supermarket in fancy little cups with a pretty picture on the side. That logo is what's costing you your $5, not their "premium brand coffee".
All it is is a marketing ploy to make their coffee a status symbol. Shit, I don't care what coffee you drink, I don't even care what car you drive, all I care about is what you've done with your life. In my eyes all your saying by drinking Starbucks is: "Fuck the environment, I'm cool now".

So to conclude I would like to ask you, are you a consumer whore?
If you are I suggest that you wise up to the marketing ploys of companies that only see you as a number, rather than a person.

-James

Dont expect me to make sense

2004-11-28T19:51:00.000+13:00

Yes, well.

If anyone out there has any expectations of me, you may now crush them into a tiny ball and throw them somewhere out of sight. Preferably in front of a bus or something equally destructive. I never expected myself to be using one of these posty webloggy things, mainly because my total time spent on things that require effort and arent necessary to my wellbeing is about equal to the time that Bill Gates spends thinking about loose change. Therefore, dont expect much input from me. At all. I'll post something if I find it particularly interesting or annoying.

That'll do me for the moment. Dont take drugs in powdered form unless your doctor tells you to, only smoke weed your friends give you or you grow yourself, and ALWAYS, above ALL ELSE, never, EVER

Fuck the Media

2004-11-28T13:14:00.000+13:00

Thats right, fuck em.

Why is it, that when I sit down to watch the news I'm bombarded with images of white people beating the shit outta some black man, while the presenter drones on about how this is the worst case of racism he has ever heard of, when we all know full well that:
a) it isnt the worst case of racism hes seen,
b) that there is a wider problem of racism in Zimbabwe than in that gas station.

I mean, what the fuck? Why cover that shit?
Because its a white man beating a black man. No body wants to show a black man oppressing white people because that doesnt count as racism. That just counts as oppression and facism, and thats shithouse news.

I would rather see a news story about some guy confronting and then arresting people who sit on the benefit rather than getting a job because they're ass is too fat to fit through their caravan door.

Or maybe, we could have a story on the fact that indigenous people in some parts of the world are claiming beaches as their own because they used to take a dump there.

Obviously these stories contain little to no blood, so therefore they arnt of any importanace to the media.
I mean, do we really need to know that some guy has been murdered because he was dealing drugs?
No, we dont. Because we know it happens and we dont have to care, because we pay taxes for people to police that shit.

I would hope that this makes a difference, but I know it wont because the members of the media are far too busy with their heads up their asses to read this.

-James

Note: None of this is ment to be racist, its just ment to illustrate the views of the media. So dont bitch at me.

The first of many shitty posts.

2004-11-28T13:05:00.000+13:00

Yup, as many of you may or may not know I have been thinking about making a blog of sorts since I have so much free time. Well as you can now see I have, and well...it looks like shit. But it was free, and free shit is always better than shit that costs money.

Anyways, over the next 5 (?) weeks I will attempt to update this blog with funny/political/interesting stories for your reading pleasure.
I will try and keep these stories original, but if I do stumble apon something that has already been posted somewhere on the net, I'll still post it here and make reference to where it came form.

So, I hope you enjoy my blog, because you better; or else.

Oh and if you want to link to me, enter this code into your website (or if you wish to use it in a signiture there is a BB code version as well.)

HTML:
<a href="http://the-revolucion.blogspot.com"><img src="http://img67.exs.cx/img67/265/button1av.jpg"></a>

BB Code:

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-James